Finish. Lessons in Leadership

What is a leader? 

What is a good leader? 

What qualities do you admire in a leader? 

What kind of a leader do you want to be? 

I recently had the opportunity to speak to a room full of young leaders. These are the questions I asked them. All those beautiful young leaders, at the starting line of a long race. 

If you have been in leadership for any length of time, you know the passion I felt that day. What could I say to encourage them? How could I challenge them to make good choices so they don’t hurt themselves or the ones they love and lead? 

At this stage of my life, training the next generation is increasingly the most valuable way I can spend my time. 

I thought it would be good to take the essence of what I said there and bring it here, to my blog. So, here goes...

If you know me at all, you know that this last summer I rode a 50k bike race. This would not be a big deal to some people, but I am a 40 something overweight woman who has never done a race of any kind, ever. I didn't see myself as the kind of gal who would have a number on my shirt, lined up with top notch athletes at a starting line. 

It was pretty intimidating. 

I trained for this event, but when I lined up that day, I began to wonder if I had done enough. I rode in our valley that nestles right up against some majestic mountains. Our back roads wind around beautiful farms with cows grazing and corn swaying in the wind. Most importantly, you shoud know, that all of these roads are flat as pancakes.  

Race day was all so exciting. I was doing this! But once we rounded the first corner, I realized something very important. It was not going to be a flat ride. 

In fact, there was going to be about 420 metres of hill climb.

I was not prepared for this and I knew right then I was in trouble. I had not trained properly. 

I got about halfway through it, I had just turned another corner and stared up yet another big hill and thought, “I can’t. I am spent”. 

Thankfully there was a rest stop there with drinks and some energy boosting snacks. I was standing there contemplating my options: I could quit or I could keep going. 

That was it. Two options: Quit or finish.  

I am not a quitter...So, there you have it. I had to finish. 

When I got back on my bike it was an immediate climb up the biggest hill I had faced yet.  At that moment and my husband came back to check on me and I looked at him and said through gritted teeth, “If I have to crawlacross that finish line, I am FINISHING”. 

And I did. 

I want to tell you a few lessons I learned about leadership while I was doing that race. 

1. Training matters: 

1 Corinthians 9:24-25 Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! 

I felt like I had trained, but I didn’t train on hills. That was a problem. The hills were hard and I was not ready for them. 

Life and especially leadership is like this - You don’t know what is going to get thrown at you.

Jesus said it best: 

Matthew 7:24-27 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”

This tells me that storms are inevitable, but foundation is a choice. 

I had no idea when I was in my early 20s what kinds of storms life would bring. 

I couldn't have known that by the time I hit 40, I would have seen most of my friends get burned in a nasty church blow up. To this day, many of those friends were so damaged, they will never darken the door of another church again. That cycle repeated a couple of times. Different churches, different issues, often leaders making choices that would cause a whole generation of young people to question their faith.  It grieves my heart each time a church goes through a split, a controversy, a leadership failure, because a whole swath of people (many friends) get disillusioned and walk away. 

Storms in my personal life would bring their own challenges. I would wait until I was 33 to get married and then one week after we got engaged my mom would be diagnosed with terminal cancer. My husband and I would face a battle with infertility for 6 years before we received our first child through adoption and then go on to have three more miracle children. 

Then there were the day to day issues that could wear a person out like death by 1,000 paper cuts. 

Leadership is not an easy road and you really can’t know what is coming. The only thing you can do is train and be ready with disciplines so you don’t get blown out by the storm. 

You need to decide who you will be before you hit the course. 

Have you ever sat down and said “this is the person I am”? If you do that, most of your decisions are made for you. 

Like my race, I had decided long ago that I wasn’t a quitter, so it really wasn’t an option. All that was left was finishing.

Do you have a personal list of do’s and don’ts? Not external expectations that others have put on you, but your own list? 

What would it say? 

I heard a story once about a young lady on a plane. She sat down nest to a business man and they struck up a conversation. One thing led to another and the man propositioned her, “If I gave you a million dollars, would you come back to my hotel and spend the night with me?” Incredulous, she said an emphatic no. He continued to talk to her and wore her down. She thought of how she needed that money, how different her life would be. She finally said yes. As they landed, he said “Actually, I don’t have a million dollars, would you do it for $20.00? She was horrified and said “What kind of woman do you think I am?” to which he replied “What kind of person you are has already been determined, now we are just haggling over price.“

Would you ever sell out? Would you ever trade your integrity for a moment of relief or pleasure? 

If you are going to finish, your integrity needs to be established ahead of time, not when the opportunity presents itself. 

It is natural to think that these decisions need to revolve around our sexual life, and those are important for sure. But there is more…

How will you handle discouragement? 

Delay? 

Failure? 

Success? 

Are you kind? Always? 

Do you care about everyone or just the ones who can help you? Or get you ahead? 

Are you secure in your relationship with Jesus? Is He really all that matters to you? 

How will you handle jealousy and comparison when others get what you wanted; promotion, a relationship, material things?

Are you honest? 

Patient? 

Will you ever give in to the feeling that you have arrived? 

Will you be diligent to keep learning, growing, changing? 

What does your faith life look like when the lights are off? 

Who you are in the dark will determine how you handle the light.

2. Community matters: 

In short, you need to build your tribe.

Who are the people in your life that really know what is going on? 

My husband says it like this: Who are your 6? 

Each of us, when we die, will need 6 people to carry our casket. It sounds kind of morbid I know, but think about it. 

Who helps carry you in life?

Who could you trust with the weight of your life? 

Who have you welcomed into your life to ask you hard questions? 

Who are you really, really honest with?

Who knows when you are fading, or not being transparent?

Who gets up in your face when you are being less than what you are capable of? 

You need to invite these people into your life. They won’t do it without your permission. 

I told you that Shawn is an avid biker. He has done all sorts of amazing rides. 50 km is a warm up for him. Nothing. 

But he took on the challenge of getting me through that 50k because he knew I needed it. And God bless him because I am a GRUMPY exerciser. 

We were out one night for a ride and we hit about 40k, it was the first time I had ever ridden that far so I was pretty proud of myself, I was starting to slow down and think about putting my feet up at home. 

It was in that moment when Shawn came alongside of me and said, “at the next street sign, I want you to kick it. Ride as fast and as hard as you can”. 

I was so mad at him. Couldn’t he see how hard I had worked? I deserved a break now. How does a girl get some credit around here? 

So I glared at him and said:

“No.” 

He just looked at me and rode off. 

I wrestled for about 3 minutes and then I did what he said. I sprinted when I didn’t think I could go another inch. 

I cannot explain the feeling of accomplishment that moment gave me. I didn’t know I could do it, but he did. 

That is what community does for us.

We need encouragers, yes, but we also need coaches who know what we are capable of even when we think we can’t do it. 

I had this exact same experience the first time I was asked to preach on a Sunday morning (at a church that was pretty clear they didn’t want women speaking).  The intimidation was so real, it was suffocating. 

My pastor at the time looked at me and said “We need you Keri, we need your voice. Don’t quit now”. 

I had to stare down fear in a big way, flex the muscles of 1,000 good decisions made in the dark and stand in that pulpit, authorized and ready to preach the Word of God. 

But first, I had to get over myself. And it took another human to help me get there. 

You need it, I need it. 

Storms are coming. You cannot make it alone. You need to build your tribe before you set out, tell them all about you: what you want, where you want to go, what stops you, what you are afraid of, what you struggle with, all of it. 

Then invite them to push you. 

Find the ones who will stay even when you push back. 

Find the ones who will not let you be less than who you are supposed to be. 

I have a friend who finds me when I am not living up to my potential. “What is up with you?”

she will ask, “Where are you? Your light is dim and your fire is going out.”  I can fool almost everyone else, but not her. 

When you are the leader, you are the one coaching, leading, listening, but you will need people. You cannot make it without a community. 

Don’t ever, ever give in to the lie that leaders can’t have friends. It is complicated for sure, where your leadership ends and where the friendship begins, but it is worth the messy work to make sure you aren’t alone. 

3. Finishing matters: 

Whenever you tell people that you are going to do something it builds in a sense of accountability. 

A friend sent me a text message the day before our race: 

“This is your race. No one else’s, start and finish. That is all that matters. Start and finish.”

I smiled and thought “that is nice that she thought of me”. Little did I know how much that text would mean to me. 

Guess what I repeated to myself on every hill and every push of my pedals? 

This is my race. No one else’s. Start and finish. 

When every person that passed me:  

This is my race. No one else’s. Start and finish. 

When I wanted to quit:

This is my race. No one else’s. Start and finish. 

I repeated it when I hit the biggest hill toward the end of the race. I thought all the big hills were at the beginning, so I was frustrated when I had to get off halfway and walk my bike yet again. 

This is my race, no one else’s. Start and finish. 

Then, finally, I said it through a smile when I hit the last hill, and it was downhill! It was so steep and after climbing for so long I could only smile, cry and yell as I raced down at 60 km/hour. 

Then it was flat, we were almost done. 

We crossed the finish line, they announced our names like we were Olympic champions and I got this (medal) to prove that it actually happened. 

Listen to me:

Life is going to hit you like a hurricane. You are going to grieve what you thought your life would be. You are going to suffer loss and even betrayal from those whom you love with all your heart. You will do everything you can think to do and promotions will pass you by and promises will take their time in unfolding. You will have to make hard choices and you will want to keep your heart soft and free from all offence. 

Set your eyes on the finish. 

In setback, disappointment, discouragement, abandonment, heartache and pain, you must set your eyes on the finish. 

This is your race. No one else’s. Start and finish. 

Start smart with training - get coaches, leaders and pastors in your life. Read a lot of books, fill your brain with really good information, become a learner. 

Build a community - say yes to God and no to things that will destroy you. Build smart, build strong. Don’t ever, ever quit. 

Stay in your lane - I know I am not alone in this, we are all broken vessels, with flaws, insecurities, limitations and plenty of self-doubt. You may even make a mistake and break the hearts of those you love and lead. But don’t you ever quit. 

Don’t quit. 

I came in 6th from the end that day. I think I was number 264 out of 270 racers, but I didn’t care, I FINISHED! The best part was, we finished will all the top riders because they were wrapping up their 160k ride when we were finishing a 50k.  I crossed the finish line with the champions and felt like one myself because I FINISHED.

Leadership is not a sprint, it is a very long, gruelling marathon. You will never know who will be with you at the finish line because if you are like me, many many others who are more talented and capable, will blow out before they reach the end. 

Trust me when I say it will not be your talent that gets you to the end. It will be grit. 

Grit says “I will never lose hope in you Jesus.” No matter how dark it gets, I will NEVER walk away. Never. 

What kind of strength did it take Job, when he had lost everything to say, “though He slay me, yet will I praise Him.” (Job 13:15) 

Or think of David after he sinned with Bathsheba: broken, his reputation ruined, an adulterer, liar and murderer who found repentance. What does it take to pray this prayer: 

Make me to hear joy and gladness,

Let the bones which You have broken rejoice. (Psalms 51:8)

That is the sound of champions.

We fall. We rise. 

We never quit.  

Never. 

Hebrews 12:1-2

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Make no mistake. Jesus is a finisher. 

I pray we will be too.